LEVIATHAN

The Pride of the British Navy

2007-09-17T17:00:00.001-04:00

Pop quiz: which is better, Brits getting emotional while running on the beach, or Brits getting emotional while rowing a boat? Lest I cry my little heart out over that Vangelis song, I'm putting Miracle at Oxford (a.k.a. "True Blue") at the top of my Netflix queue, ladies and gents, and I'm not the only one! IMDB has it at #12 in their list of movies involving a "boat race". (Sadly, it's well behind Pardon My Sarong.)

Wenches!

2007-09-15T20:05:00.000-04:00

Hey, ladies, I mean persons, I mean wenches! If you're feeling Post this Halloween, consider the classic pirate wench costume, with which you can express your real love of pirates, amidst the cavalier misdirection of a fake rejection of liberal feminism.

This showed up in my Gmail ads, which means I was using the word "wench" one too many times in my emails. (Thanks, Samuel Pepys!)

pirate spiders?!

2007-09-13T08:28:00.000-04:00

I'm sure you're all aware of the ginormous "communal spider web" that appeared in Lake Tawakoni State Park, near Dallas, this summer. Yes, yes, very good, you say, but what does this have to do with LEVIATHAN's proper purview? Well, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reports (in an article apparently written by a bright six-year-old) that the web was woven by a number of species working together, including something called a pirate spider.

Friends, how did we miss the boat, as it were, on the redoubtable pirate spider? For, it turns out, not only is there such a thing as a pirate spider, but said pirate spiders are actually cannibal pirate spiders. From the authorities at the Museum of Cape Town:

"At night it will vibrate the web, mimicking either captured prey or a courting male spider of the species that occupies the web. The duped spider will rush to investigate and once within reach, the mimetid will move forward with such stealth that the movement is barely noticeable. The four anterior legs are stretched over its prey and it is quickly drawn forward, its legs pinned down with the spines on the attackers forelegs. The mimetid then bites the prey in the femur, instantly immobilizing it. It is not known whether the bite kills or merely paralyzes. Bristow observed that if the prey is bitten on the body, a vigorous struggle ensues that requires an additional bite to the legs to subdue it."

yar!

Flying Shark Attack!

2007-08-26T12:48:00.000-04:00

The Phantom of the Pepys

2007-08-23T15:07:00.000-04:00

To be a famous diarist! (As is every blogger's dream ...) For consider the delight of being the namesake of a "phantom island", such as Pepys Island, off the coast of South America. Take care to distinguish the "phantom island" from the "lost land"; the former never existed, while the latter (supposedly) did, but was blown up and/or sunk and/or abducted by the Bermuda Triangle. (Kramer to Newman: "How come the water stays in the Bermuda Triangle?") And behold Frisland, which goes by many monikers, including (my favorite) "Fixland". The fix is in!

But that's where Atlantis is supposed to go! No wonder they don't exist.

Booty tunes for sharks.

2007-08-09T09:20:00.000-04:00

From Ananova:

Sharks in the mood for love

German scientists say an experiment to play romantic music to sharks to get them in the mood for mating has been a swimming success.

Five Sea Life aquariums in Germany took part in the project after they complained that the sharks were not producing enough offspring.

Now after four weeks and two hours a day of different songs in each aquarium, the romantic tunes have had the desired effect.

And the aquariums have even produced a top five of the shark's favourite music for other aquariums to use.

A spokesman said: "We tried everything else, and it didn't work, so we took a new approach. It has been tried with pandas and primates, and it worked with them as well, so why not sharks?"

The music encouraged the sharks to engage in the rarely seen mating ritual where the male shark pursues the female and bites her fins.

The Hit list was:

1. Salt'n Pepa - Push it

2. Joe Cocker - You can leave your hat on

3. James Last - Traumschiff (title song for German version of the Love Boat)

4. Justin Timberlake - Rock your body

5. Bob Marley - No woman, no cry

I see a LEVIATHAN mix tape in our future...

A Long, Contaminated Life

2007-08-05T12:01:00.000-04:00

That just about says it.

Giant Yacht with same name as Great Peter Lorre Movie!

2007-07-03T11:52:00.000-04:00

It's the wonderful Maltese Falcon! You can follow the ship's progress on its blog, and read about its head chef. (Note that there's no information about the mysterious sous chef, "Ali".)

What are the 9 races of the world, according to Pirates 3?

2007-06-29T14:58:00.000-04:00

For those who haven't seen the movie, the principals (Sparrow, Turner, and Swan) wind up at a meeting of the "nine pirate lords", and it's immediately clear (to me, anyway!) that they represent Disney/Verbinski/someone's exhaustive scheme of racial categorization.

W.E.B. DuBois claimed there were eight races: Slavs, Teutons, English, "the Romance race," Semites, Hindus, Mongolians, and Negroes. Pirates paints a somewhat different picture, with its "nine lords." At first glance I took them to be: Chinese (Swan, in place of Sao Feng), African (Jocard), French (Chevalle), generic Latin American (Vallenueva), Spanish (Barbosa), Caucasian (Sparrow), Indian (Sumbhajee), generic Middle Eastern (Ammand), and Chinese Race II (Ching). (An unexplored possibility: either Swan or Ching represents the race of Women ...)

But the Wikipedia entry about these matters tells a slightly different story, or perhaps just a more specific one. (It appears to be partly crib notes to Disney's website, and partly made up by the author.) Ammand is said to be Turkish, Barbosa hails from the Caspian Sea, and Vallenueva is Spanish. Also Keith Richards is from Masagascar.

(It's also interesting to sort the pirates in terms of the ethnic/national identities and ancestries of the actors who portray them: Ammand is Syrian, Ching is American with Japanese parents, Valleneuva is Mexican, Jocard is South African, Chevalle is Romanian, etc.)

This is all very "Small World"-y, but the pirate Captains actually fit neatly into DuBois' picture, so long as Sparrow is an English, Jocard is a Negro, Sumbhajee a Hindu, and ... well, it gets worse from there. Only one of the Chinese pirates gets to be Mongolian, Vallenueva and Chevalle will have to share "the Romance race," and Barbosa has to choose: Slav or Teuton? But since it's 8 races to 9 Captains, some lucky pirate might end up with no race at all.

More shark "hanky panky"!

2007-06-26T13:45:00.000-04:00

Apparently, that is the appropriate scientific terminology. Courtesy of CNN:

NORFOLK, Virginia (AP) -- Veterinarian Bob George sliced open the dead shark and saw the outline of a fish.

No surprise there, since sharks digest their food slowly.

Then George realized he wasn't looking at the stomach of the blacktip reef shark, but at her uterus. In it was a perfectly formed, 10-inch-long shark pup that was almost ready to be born.

George was dumbfounded.

He had been examining the shark, Tidbit, to figure out why she reacted badly to routine sedatives during a physical and died, hours after biting an aquarium curator on the shin. Now there was a bigger mystery: How did Tidbit get pregnant?

"We must have had hanky panky" in the shark tank, he thought.

I urge you to read the entire story. My favorite part is when the pregnant shark, high on shark sedatives, attacks the scientists before dramatically expiring. She's all, I'll physical you, bitches! I'm two sharks in one!

PIRATES 3 RELEASED!!!!

2007-06-19T11:25:00.000-04:00

Three weeks ago, and nobody cares. Sigh. The best hope for this summer is Eagle vs. Shark.

Will the death not end??

2007-06-14T08:17:00.000-04:00

As if it's not enough that Mr. Wizard has kicked the proverbial bucket, it turns out the whale sharks are dying at the Georgia Aquarium:

ATLANTA - Georgia Aquarium officials say it may be months before they know what caused Wednesday's death of another whale shark, the second this year at the only facility outside Asia that displays the huge, rare fish.

Norton's death also came only a few weeks after two new whale sharks arrived at the aquarium from Taiwan. At the time, Taiwan fishery officials had said they were satisfied the aquarium provided the quality care the young whale sharks — named Yushan, which means "Jade Mountain" and Taroko, named after a national park in Taiwan — would need.

Aquarium officials planned a necropsy Wednesday afternoon for Norton. His death came five months after the death of Ralph, another whale shark that was among the aquarium's first stars after it opened in 2005.

Z-Man and I were fortunate to see both Norton and Ralph soon after the aquarium opened. I wonder if one of those shady-looking sea turtles is on a murderous rampage. You never know with those things.

RIP, Mr. Wizard.

2007-06-14T07:58:00.000-04:00

From the NYTimes:

Don Herbert, who unlocked the wonders of science for youngsters of the 1950s and ’60s as television’s Mr. Wizard, died yesterday at his home in the Bell Canyon section of Los Angeles. He was 89.

I loved Mr. Wizard, even though my mother maintained that he "didn't seem very nice" because he was "condescending" to the kids on his show. (This is the same woman who ruined The Smurfs for me by explaining that they were sexist. When I was, like, five.) Apparently, you can order both "Watch Mr. Wizard" and "Mr. Wizard's World" DVD box sets from Mr. Wizard Studios. We should totally do a memorial marathon.

Ask - And Ye Shall Receive.

2007-06-08T19:59:00.000-04:00

"Does anyone know," Ms. Cumber asks, "if Vincent Price and Peter Lorre ever starred in a movie together?" Why yes, Ms. Cumber, it so happens that the LEVIATHAN knows.

In fact, Mr. Price and Mr. Lorre starred in no less than five motion pictures together, not counting television (and who does?). A brief survey follows.

First (which is to say, for reasons to be revealed in a moment, last) there is The Comedy of Terrors (1964), directed by the great Jacques Tourneur, the mastermind behind both the original Cat People and the pioneering I Walked with a Zombie. This doesn't seem to have been one of Tourneur's (or Price's or Lorre's) finer moments.

Next up is The Raven (1963) (classy!), in which Price portrayed "Dr. Erasmus Craven," while Lorre stole the show as the fun-loving "Dr. Adolphus Bedlo" (ah, how fondly I remember his antics from Poe's poem!). Entrancingly, this film also stars Boris Karloff (as the incorrigible "Dr. Scarabus") and Jack Nicholson as "Rexford Bedlo"...which can only mean that, yes, the Lorre is father to the Jack.

In Tales of Terror (1962), another Poe-based romp, the pair teamed up again, Price in multiple roles, while Lorre anchored the show as the redoubtable "Montresor Herringbone."

Stepping back a few years to 1959, we find Price & Lorre (not to be confused with Fry & Laurie...

...although these two could almost pass for a younger...never mind) matching wits in The Big Circus (1959) (an imdb user was prompted to comment: "Stands as one of the greatest circus movies of all time," which raises the important question - what are the other greatest circus movies? Dumbo? Big Top Pee Wee?). Lorre plays "Skeeter"; one can only imagine.

And last but not least, we have The Story of Mankind (1957). I will let this elegant summary of the film's plot speak for itself: "The council of elders of outer space is deliberating on a very important subject: Must mankind be allowed to survive, or is it so esentially evil that it must be destroyed? A devil and an angel act as prosecutor and defense for the human race, and the movie presents in a very interesting way a series of episodes of the human history. What will be the final veredict? Innocent, or Guilty?" OK, well, it can't speak for itself, because someone has to tell you that this movie also stars Dennis Hopper as Napoleon Bonaparte! And Harpo Marx as Isaac Newton!! In fact, all of the Marx Brothers (except Zeppo) are in this movie, which is based on a novel by none other than Henrik Van Loon.

And if all of this seems too crazy to be true, here is the final (& most LEVIATHAN-y) factoid of them all. Who, you may wonder, first brought these two masters of the cinematic art together? To whose genius are we so deeply indepted? None other than the master of disaster, Mr. Irwin Allen. Where, you may wonder, have I heard that name before? In addition to Flood! (1976), Fire! (1977), and The Towering Inferno (1974), Mr. Allen is the man who brought you the original Poseidon Adventure (1972).

Wow.

Sea Tiger Stalks Atlantic Seaboard!

2007-06-01T11:21:00.001-04:00

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Captive Shark Has "Virgin Birth"!

2007-05-26T13:23:00.000-04:00

From the BBC:

Female hammerhead sharks can reproduce without having sex, scientists confirm.

The evidence comes from a shark at Henry Doorly Zoo in Nebraska which gave birth to a pup in 2001 despite having had no contact with a male.

Genetic tests by a team from Belfast, Nebraska and Florida prove conclusively the young animal possessed no paternal DNA, Biology Letters journal reports.

The type of reproduction exhibited had been seen before in bony fish but never in cartilaginous fish such as sharks.

Parthenogenesis, as this type of reproduction is known, occurs when an egg cell is triggered to develop as an embryo without the addition of any genetic material from a male sperm cell.

The puzzle over the hammerhead birth was reported widely in 2001, but it is only with the emergence of new DNA profiling techniques that scientists have now been able to show irrefutably what happened.

Unfortunately, there is a dark side to this tale of wonder. Read on:

Dr Paulo Prodohl, a co-author on the Biology Letters paper from Queen's School of Biological Sciences, said: "Vertebrates in general have evolved away from parthenogenesis to boost genetic diversity and enhance evolutionary potential.

"The concern for sharks is that not only could we be reducing their numbers but we could be making them less fit as well."

"Our findings will now have to be taken into consideration for any conservation management strategy, especially for overexploited species."

The birth of the hammerhead (of the bonnethead species, Sphyrna tiburo) at Henry Doorly was as tragic as it was puzzling.

The new pup was soon killed by a stingray before keepers could remove it from its tank.

But at the end of the day, I can't help but think this lady hammerhead won this particular round of Science vs. Creature:

At the time, some theorised that a male tiger shark kept at the zoo could have been the father - but the institution's three bonnethead females had none of the bite marks that are usually inflicted on their gender during shark sex.

Some even suggested that one of the females could have had sex in the wild and stored the sperm in her body - but the three-year period in captivity made this explanation highly unlikely.

The new tests on the dead pup's tissues now show the newborn's DNA only matched up with one of the females - and there was none of any male origin.

Although extremely rare in vertebrates, parthenogenesis (out of the Greek for "virgin birth") occurs in a number of lower animals. Insects such as bees and ants use it to produce their drones, for example.

Also from the BBC, this helpful diagram:

Discuss.

Arts 'n' Crafts time.

2007-05-21T12:58:00.000-04:00

How does a LEVIATHAN chase away the blues of knowing we live in a world where tea clippers and Russian subs are imperiled by the nefarious doings of villains and vandals? How, I say?

Well, the arts & crafts table always cheered me up in nursery school.

I admit that I clicked on the link to WikiHow's How To Make A Sea Creature Mobile expecting to be instructed in various methods of conferring mobility to our deep-sea friends. But this is still pretty good, because it involves "glitter glue," "shiny stickers," and "goggle eyes."

CUTTY SARK BURNS!

2007-05-21T09:25:00.001-04:00

Was the sinking of Providence's Russian sub only the beginning of a nefarious crime spree? A "suspicious" fire in London has seriously damaged the 19th-century wooden ship, apparently "the world's oldest surviving tea clipper." What's next? The Intrepid capsized? The Constitution teepeed? Who will save the world's maritime monuments from ignominious vandalism?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/6675381.stm

RUSSIAN SUB SINKS!

2007-05-02T15:54:00.000-04:00

And now for a sea story that hits close to home (or, for many of you, a former home)
Yes, a few weeks ago, during a spring nor'easter, the RUSSIAN SUB MUSEUM SANK into the Providence bay! I would have posted this sooner, except that it has only just come to my attention. For some reason, this event did not receive much publicity...if you ask me, such lack of interest in the local Soviet-era sea-themed tourism industry does not reflect well on the Providence citizenry.

Meanwhile, the lovely staff at the Russian Sub Museum seems to be taking it all in stride. I like their snappy "Nothing can keep a Russian Sub down" attitude.

Loose lips may sink ships, but seasoned submarine docents can certainly warm one's heart.

Soviet-era submarine sinks in Providence
By Michelle R. Smith, Associated Press Writer April 18, 2007
PROVIDENCE, R.I. --An old Soviet submarine now used as a floating museum sank and was completely submerged in the Providence River after being battered by a powerful nor'easter earlier this week.
All that could be seen of the Russian Sub Museum Wednesday was about two feet of its periscope, and workers said it could be months before it's open again.
"We got hit with a freak storm with astronomical high tides," ship's engineer Damon Ise said.
A tidal surge paired with direct and powerful easterly winds from the storm on Sunday and Monday pushed the sub up onto a shoal adjacent to where it's anchored along the western bank of the river, Ise said. Then water began seeping into the inoperable sub, which is not watertight.
The sub was listing to its left, or port, side Monday. Late Tuesday night, Ise said, the sub tipped further and sank.
Museum officials believe the sub is filled with water, though they don't think the instruments are damaged because they are water tight.
Ise said the sub, alternately designated as K-77 or Juliett 484, is the only submarine of its kind in the United States.
"For those of us who put a lot of time into this, it's heartbreaking," he said.
K-77, launched in 1965 as part of the Soviet Northern Fleet, is about 282 feet long and 31 feet wide, and was diesel powered. The Juliett class was initially planned as a nuclear missile platform for strikes against the United States and carried four nuclear cruise missiles. Later, it began tracking U.S. aircraft carriers.
The sub was used in the 1990s as a restaurant and vodka bar in Helsinki, Finland, and later as a set for the Harrison Ford movie "K-19: The Widowmaker" before being acquired by the USS Saratoga Foundation, a private, nonprofit group.
It opened as a museum in 2002 and has since had tens of thousands of visitors from all over the world. It's also a popular place for birthday parties and even hosted a wedding in 2005, volunteers at the museum said Wednesday.
Laurie Prete and her 14-year-old son Louis, of North Providence, have been volunteers at the museum for four years, and the two spent part of Wednesday in the sub's ticket office with other workers peering out the window at the empty space where the sub once floated.
Louis is a docent and leads tours of the sub, he said.
"He got so into history, World War II, everything, because of this sub," Laurie Prete said. "I feel like I lost a family member."
A salvage company was working on a plan to bring the sub off the river floor and pump out the water, Ise said. The sub is insured, and he said that should pay the tab for the work.
"I assume it's going to cost a huge amount of money," he said. "This is going to be a huge salvage operation."
It was too early to know how long it might take to raise the sub and clean it out, but Ise said it took workers three months to get it ready for visitors before the museum opened in 2002. This time around, they'll be contending with what he termed "a slime line" left by the water.
Still, workers were taking the news with a sense of humor Wednesday.
Ise was calling it the "Russian Sunken Sub Museum."
Riffing off the museum's motto of "Our museum can sink your museum," volunteer Ken Johnson came up with a new one: "Our museum can sink. Your museum?"

don't tease the crocodiles!

2007-04-22T19:19:00.000-04:00

trust me, just don't.

The Japanese are all a-quiver

2007-04-02T11:04:00.000-04:00

I was in Austin on the weekend, and I was lucky enough to inspect a "robot jellyfish aquarium" up-close at a restaurant. Apparently I'm about 6 years late on this "craze," which Wired first reported on in 2001. The "robots" I saw in Austin were far less advanced than the machine pictured -- which suggests that in this post-9-11 climate a $50 robot jellyfish can't survive against a tank full of cheap plastic toys.

Indeed, some robot jellyfish are being forced out of tank and into the workforce. From swimming gently all day, to fighting off burglars -- such is the life of the robot jellyfish. Not to worry -- this "interior object" still gets to "lounge about and be 'beautiful'."

I give up.

2007-03-26T20:50:00.000-04:00

No Leviathan-related content here, really. This is just to report that the teaser for the NY Times online currently reads "Mechanical caterpillars and salamanders may someday help find land mines and even diagnose disease."
I don't even know what that means. I'm getting too old for this shit.

Alien adventures on the low seas

2007-03-23T14:11:00.000-04:00

I have to say that my Leviathan-sense was tingling the other night when I watched this monster take a dip in a swimming pool, in pursuit of Elijah Wood, in The Faculty. Swim, you slimy beast, swim to your heart's content!

This striking scene brings to mind the swimming monsters of Alien Ressurection, and is a none-too-stuble reference to the extraterrestrial, but not extra-aquatic, pods from Cocoon. Do aliens prefer swimming pools? We know what James Cameron thinks about the water-ish alien worlds above us -- just big swimming pools in the sky, full of friendly, freakish fauna, that ought to be transplanted to the Atlantic at our earliest convience. For my part I want my swimming pool alien-free -- not to mention the fact that these guys had better be nowhere in sight:

Three words: ZOMBIE VERSUS SHARK.

2007-03-19T12:40:00.000-04:00

Mad props to Derek, who works in the office of my department, for alerting me to the existence of the Italian film Zombie, which features (according to Derek) the only cinematic staging of zombie vs. shark to date.

IMDb associates the following "plot keywords" with this film:
Blood / Cannibalism / Cemetery / Eye Skewering / Intestines

And, let us not forget, a zombie fights a shark.

We must see this film, and soon.

Oscar -- land lubber?

2007-02-27T02:32:00.000-05:00

George Clooney made a joke without reading the teleprompter. If you tell your girlfriend you want to have a threesome with Daniel Craig, she will love you forever. Ennio Morricone is every bit as weird as his music makes him out to be.

These are lessons to live by, but what is up with Oscar's snub of our beloved Leviathan films? Our only respite was the nominiation of Poseidon for Achievement in Visual Effects -- and this, I submit, is hardly enough. Has Hollywood turned its artifically-tanned, Tai-Bo-sculpted back on the movies of the sea?

We've had infrequent success at the "Academy" "Awards" -- for best picture in '43 with merman-manatee-human-squid Peter Lorre's stunning Casablanca (with passable support from Bogart and some floozy), and again in '54 and '57 for On the Waterfront and The Bridge on the River Kwai. And since then? As little recognition as a Great White Shark gives a Scallop. Hollywood's elite traded water -- whether salty or fresh -- in favor of champagne, whiskey, red wine, Pomegranate juice, or Woody Harrelson's oxygen bar.

And so I watched last night's spectacle with mild disgust, as victory was awarded to a film set in Boston which failed to visit its beloved Aquarium. Jack Nicholson dressed as a seal, though, which was compensation -- perhaps even compensation enough to make up for the Academy's historical and continuing neglect of the cinema of the deep (although it is hard to expect more from those who define themselves as the ultimately and absolutely shallow).

Sweet Jesus!

2007-02-22T09:32:00.000-05:00

Fishermen caught a 39-ft., 990-lb. "colossal squid" off the southern coast of New Zealand today. (Apparently "colossal" is now a scientific designation. Colossal squid, also known as "husky squid" and "full-figured squid," are roughly the same length as their giant cousins, but weigh considerably more.)

To any LEVIATHANites heading into these hostile southern waters, keep your wits about you--the Colossal Squid lies in wait!

2007-02-19T10:54:00.000-05:00

Dolphins and Sea Lions May Get the Call to Defend Northwest Base

Zak, a 375-pound sea lion, leaping back into a boat after his harbor patrol training exercises in the waters off the coast of Bahrain in 2003.

A fabulous newsflash Yes, at last the Navy has discovered how to harness the power of marine life to defend our coastlines and make the waters safe for democracy. Was this move inspired by The Day of the Dolphin?

I am particularly a fan of the way the sea lion pictured (above) is named Zak. Has a certain LEVIATHANian been shape-shifting AND moonlighting? These questions must be answered.

Note also how the sea lions and dolphins were used to keep San Diego safe during the GOP convention of 1996. Who knew that Bob Dole was protected by sea lions? Do you think this means he is a sea lion? Does he sing to them, late at night?

Dolphins and Sea Lions May Get the Call to Defend Northwest Base

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SAN DIEGO, Feb. 12 (AP) — Dozens of dolphins and sea lions trained to detect and apprehend waterborne attackers may be sent to patrol a military base in Washington State, the Navy said Monday.

In a notice published in this week’s Federal Register, the Navy said it needed to bolster security at Naval Base Kitsap-Bangor, on the Puget Sound close to Seattle.

The base is home to submarines, ships and laboratories and is vulnerable to attack by swimmers and scuba divers, the notice states.

Several options are under consideration, but the preferred plan would be to send up to 30 California sea lions and Atlantic bottlenose dolphins from the Navy’s Marine Mammal Program, based in San Diego.

“These animals have the capabilities for what needs to be done for this particular mission,” said Tom LaPuzza, a spokesman for the Marine Mammal Program.

Mr. LaPuzza said that because of their astonishing sonar abilities, dolphins were excellent at patrolling for swimmers and divers. When a Navy dolphin detects a person in the water, it drops a beacon. This tells a human interception team where to find the suspicious swimmer.

Dolphins are also trained to detect underwater mines; they were sent to do this in the Iraqi harbor of Umm Qasr in 2003. The last time the animals were used operationally in San Diego was in 1996, when they patrolled the bay during the Republican National Convention.

Sea lions can carry in their mouths special cuffs attached to long ropes. If the animal finds a rogue swimmer, it can clamp the cuff around the person’s leg. The individual can then be reeled in for questioning.

The Navy is seeking public comment for an environmental impact statement on the proposal.

The Navy wanted to deploy marine animals to the Northwest in 1989, but a federal judge sided with animal rights activists concerned about the effects of cooler water and about how the creatures would affect the environment. Water in the Puget Sound is about 10 degrees cooler than water in San Diego Harbor, which has an average temperature of 58 degrees, Mr. LaPuzza said.

Since then, the Navy has taken the dolphins and sea lions to cold-water places like Alaska and Scandinavia to see how they cope.

“They did very well,” Mr. LaPuzza said.

If sent to Washington, the dolphins would be housed in heated enclosures and would patrol the bay only for periods of about two hours.

Stephanie Boyles, a marine biologist and spokeswoman for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, said that sea mammals did not provide a reliable defense system, and that they should not be kept in small enclosures.

“We believe the United States’ citizens deserve the very best defense possible, and this just isn’t it,” Ms. Boyles said.

Dolphins can live as long as 30 years. Mr. LaPuzza said the Navy occasionally gave its retired animals to marine parks but generally kept them until they died of old age.

The Navy has been training marine mammals since the 1960s and keeps about 100 dolphins and sea lions. Most are in San Diego, but about 20 are deployed at Naval Submarine Base Kings Bay, Ga.

The Navy hopes to reduce its marine mammal program and replace the animals with machines, Mr. LaPuzza said, “but the technology just isn’t there yet.”

“The value of the marine mammals is we’ve been doing this for 35 years, and we’ve ironed out all the kinks,” he said.

Bull shark attacks boat; captain weeps like little girl.

2007-02-06T22:53:00.001-05:00

Florida news reports that the "crew of a shrimping boat had to be rescued after a shark took out the ship’s propeller":

Captain Roger Schmall said a group of sharks had been slamming into the Christy Nichole’s hull for four days, the News-Press of Fort Myers reported. But then a 14-foot bull shark broke the boat’s tail shaft, leaving Schmall and his crew of two adrift about 100 miles off the coast.

“It’s pretty scary when you’re sitting there and you got all that water coming in,” Schmall said.

What more can you expect from a man named Captain Schmall?? I would have eaten his propeller myself. Schmall indeed. Do they let just any weenie captain a boat these days?

The bull shark: doesn't sweat the Schmall stuff.

Paraglider vs. Eagle.

2007-02-05T10:31:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's the DayQuil talking,¹, but I'm so tickled by this story about a pair of wild eagles attacking a paraglider in Australia. Reuters reports:

Britain's top female paraglider has cheated death after being attacked by a pair of "screeching" wild eagles while competition flying in Australia.

Nicky Moss, 38, watched terrified as two huge birds began tearing into her parachute canopy, one becoming tangled in her lines and clawing at her head 2,500 meters (8,200ft) in the air.

...

"It swooped in and hit me on the back of the head, then got tangled in the glider which collapsed it. So I had a very, very large bird wrapped up screeching beside me as I screamed back," Moss said.


The wedge-tailed eagle of Australia: "the shark of the air."

I love the image of traded screeches and screams nearly a thousand feet in the air; it's so Man Bites Panda After Panda Bites Man. And if it is true, as the article suggests, that the eagles attacked after mistaking the paraglider "as a bird intruder," one cannot but admire the avian approach to homeland security. Wedge-tailed eagles may have a wing-span of two meters, but think of what kind of bird a paraglider would look like. I think veteran Australian paraglider pilot Godfrey Wenness says it best as he points out that "eagle attacks were rare, but Moss had been flying in an area where the birds were not accustomed to human pilots":

"Eagles are the sharks of the air. But if you're a regular they just treat you pretty indifferently," he said.

That's right, bitches. The sharks of the air. None of this "they're more afraid of you than you are of them" nonsense; glide through their neighborhood like you own the place and these birds will fuck you up.

¹I have a lot of DayQuil pumping through my system right now, as a low-grade flu-like thing from the weekend has decayed into a high-grade head cold. Despite the drugs, my throat hurts, my head hurts, my face hurts, even my snot hurts, and there is a lot of the latter. It's Monday morning and I am thoroughly disgusting.

[x-posted to the Procrastination Salon]

Parody for the Corsairs

2007-02-03T17:07:00.000-05:00

http://myspace.com/potgsl

Tragic Love

2007-01-25T22:25:00.000-05:00

O things of the deep, why do you destroy yourselves just to be with us? We surface-dwellers really don't deserve such sacrifice.

[Sigh] I guess sometimes love don't feel like it should.

Ethel Merman?

2007-01-22T20:19:00.000-05:00

In light of the recent conversation about mermaids, mermen, and mer-human intercourse, I feel now is the time to bring up the subject of Ethel Merman.

Can we officially christen her a sea-creature, by nature of her last name? And, if so, might we mate her with Peter Lorre, and start our own aquarium of Lorre-Mermen?

Perverts!

2007-01-16T22:42:00.000-05:00

Question: are Ariel and/or Eric from The Little Mermaid sexual perverts? They both have serious cross-species romantic feelings, and Eric can't even get it up for Ariel when she's temporarily tranformed into a human (although he gets over this by the end of the movie). There is definitely a worry that he's just after a piece of tail, and that she is far to impressed with his ability to walk upright.

Part of what matters here is what the categories of "merperson" and "human" are, in the world of the movie. Is the Ariel-Eric relationship the equivalent of me having a relationship with a chimpanzee (i.e. perverted)? Or is it more like "jungle fever" (i.e. not perverted)? If the latter, I'm vaguely disgusted by the film's ending: Ariel permanently abandoning her mermaid identity to join up with the race of land-lubbers. I never was sure why Eric couldn't be transformed into a merman, which seemed a lot cooler than being human, given the compelling arguments presented in "Under the Sea".

Conclusion: Ariel (who yearns to not be something "of the sea") is the anti-Lorre (who defies his landed origins and yearns to be "of the sea"), in other words, she is pure evil!

Tap that aquifer!

2007-01-06T12:26:00.000-05:00

"It was not simple to convince people that growing fish in the desert makes sense," according to the brains behind this scheme to raise fish on a waterless stretch of sand. I've emailed this to the Lubbock city council, with unfavorable results; they argue we already have a Red Lobster and two Long John Silverses.

Don't look at me!

2007-01-06T12:07:00.000-05:00

Simon and I met up with this horrible "Goosefish" while waylaid in Boston on the weekend.

The foul creature (as seen in this picture, taken at the New England Aquarium) has taken to turning its back on the viewing window, allowing the visitor the respite of not having to see this disgusting beast, but also causing a pang of un-satisified curiosity to settle in her breast. The Goosefish's rejection, it's refusal to play the game of "being viewed," is comparaible to other notable acts of revolt, including Zidane's headbutt, and the time Doogie and Wanda decided not to have sex.

How shitty is too shitty?

2006-12-18T22:30:00.000-05:00

Question of virtue: is there a maritime-themed movie that is too shitty to watch? Or, more urgently for someone in my current position, too shitty to watch instead of Sportscenter? Starting in a few minutes on cable:

1996's Down Periscope. Kelsey Grammar was high as a newborn kitten on cocaine during the production, filming, release, and mastering-to-DVD of this movie, and I can't say I dissaprove of that - the 90's were fucking awesome, and I think it was as good a time to celebrate as any. (Don't forget: crazy-fucked-up New Year's party at the GCB begins in T-minus-13-days, and counting.) But I don't know if I can live with myself if I watch this movie. Lord knows I saw it when it came out on VHS. Did I not do my part then?

World's tallest man saves plastic eating dolphins

2006-12-14T22:49:00.000-05:00

Sharks around the world are chuckling.

BEIJING, China (AP) -- The long arms of the world's tallest man reached in and saved two dolphins by pulling out plastic from their stomachs, state media and an aquarium official said Thursday.

The dolphins got sick after nibbling on plastic from the edge of their pool at an aquarium in Liaoning province.

Attempts to use surgical instruments to remove the plastic failed because the dolphins' stomachs contracted in response to the instruments, the China Daily newspaper reported.

Veterinarians then decided to ask for help from Bao Xishun, a 7-feet-9 herdsman from Inner Mongolia with 41.7-inch arms, state media said.

Bao, 54, was confirmed last year by the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's tallest living man.

Chen Lujun, the manager of the Royal Jidi Ocean World aquarium, told The Associated Press that the shape of the dolphins' stomachs made it difficult to push an instrument very far in without hurting the animals.

People with shorter arms could not reach the plastic, he said.

"When we failed to get the objects out we sought the help of Bao Xishun from Inner Mongolia and he did it successfully yesterday," Chen said. "The two dolphins are in very good condition now."

Photographs showed the jaws of one of the dolphins being held back by towels so Bao could reach inside the animal without being bitten.

"Some very small plastic pieces are still left in the dolphins' stomachs," Zhu Xiaoling, a local doctor, told Xinhua. "However the dolphins will be able to digest these and are expected to recover soon."

Pleasure-Seeking Sirenian or Manhandled Manatee?

2006-12-11T18:31:00.000-05:00

Friends, a website has come to my attention that demands our attention. Yes, I speak of the (apparently) wildly popular www.hornymanatee.com. Who is better qualified than LEVIATHAN to weigh in on pressing questions of maritime ethics such as the one posed by the existence of this website purporting to show the bedroom (sic) antics of our sirenian sistern?

The questions multiply like fields of krill: are these manatees consenting participants? have they signed the necessary releases? just what is the age of consent for a manatee? if, as is evident to the careful observer, these images do not depict real manatees but manatee-impersonators, do they fall under the same legal sanctions as pseudo-child pornography? just who consumes these images and to what end(s)?

Comrades, colleagues: if not us, then who?

The Talented Mr. Donkey?

2006-12-11T14:15:00.000-05:00

I watched The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999) last night, and was quite impressed with the murder scene. The killing would make an excellent solution in Clue: Ripley, with an oar, in a small motorboat floating in an empty blue expanse of the Ligurian Sea.

The image of Ripley embracing Greenleaf's corpse as the boat drifts is arresting, and the whole business reminds me of the great history of "small boats" in American fiction: Stephen Crane's "The Open Boat," The Old Man and the Sea, and that little boat you ride in Mario 3. I've also been led to re-interpret the significance of a beloved (though impermanent) Providence icon:

This ominous equine's calm frame (supported by even calmer seas) betrays some dark secret, I'm sure, just as calm seas usually betray some turmoil beneath.

Also, wanted to give a shout-out to the fantastic Purple Noon (1960), which is an adaptation of the same Ripley novel. Greenleaf's yacht is brilliant in Purple Noon - a kind of floating stage for many of the film's memorable scenes, including the murder. And it has an awesome Captain's wheel!

This begs the question: what is the greatest cinematic boat (broadly construed)? My nominees: the "Orca" from Jaws, the patrol boat from Apocalypse Now, and the amphibious train from Spirited Away:

Are the "Snorks" retarded?

2006-12-07T01:14:00.000-05:00

A long and frustrating late-night Googling session (in search of that Glade air freshener commercial with the cartoon octopus) found me face to face with my childhood friends the "Snorks."

Now like most of my favorite childhood cartoons (Gummi Bears, Thundercats, that one where the guy turns into a car), I'm pretty sure my preference for the Snorks was based only on the fact that the other things on at 5:30 in the morning on a Saturday were worse. The Snorks, for those who don't know, are a horrible underwater version of the Smurfs. (Both come from Belgium.) One serious issue with the Snorks is whether one can accept them, given the fact that they lamely ante-date the Smurfs. In general, I am against anything but the original version: Allan Quatermain, "third wave" feminism, and the Wendy's 99 cent chicken sandwich, to name a few.

The real reason The Snorks sucks, though, is that the Snorks are just a bunch of snotty American teenagers, instead of European eco-communists. As if in the real world anything could ever get worse by putting it underwater. The whole business is pretty shameful.

Hello, Dunkleosteus terrelli!

2006-11-29T11:33:00.000-05:00

If this article is to be believe d, there is another creature we must add to the pantheon of LEVIATHAN stars. Apparently, the Dunkleosteus terrelli, despite (or as a consequence of?) its silly-sounding name, "could bite a shark in two."

Dunkleosteus terrelli lived 400 million years ago, grew up to 33 feet long and weighed up to four tons. Scientist have known for years that it was a dominant predator, but new embargoed research to be published in the Royal Society journal Biology Letters on November 29 reveals that the force of this predator’s bite was remarkably powerful: 11,000 pounds. The bladed dentition focused the bite force into a small area, the fang tip, at an incredible force of 80,000 pounds per square inch.

Even more surprising is the fact that this fish could also open its mouth very quickly—in just one fiftieth of a second—which created a strong suction force, pulling fast prey into its mouth. Usually a fish has either a powerful bite or a fast bite, but not both.

...

“Dunkleosteus was able to devour anything in its environment,” said Philip Anderson, at the Department of Geophysical Sciences at the University of Chicago and lead author of the research. The bladed jaws, capable of ripping apart prey larger than its own mouth, is a feature sharks didn’t develop until 100 million years later.

I don't know what to say. That's just fucking awesome.

Does LEVIATHAN do cute?

2006-11-05T10:06:00.000-05:00

I think we must. For THE OCTONAUTS are among us. The little fellow to the left is Captain Barnacles Bear, who, according to the explanation at www.octonauts.com, "is a polar bear extraordinaire and leader of Octonauts crew. He is always the first to rush in and help when there is trouble. Besides adventuring, Barnacles also enjoys playing his accordion and writing in his captain's log."

"The Octonauts" are apparently the heroes of their own book, "The Octonauts & the Only Lonely Monster," just published by the cutetrepeneurs over at Meomi, also responsible for land-based critters like Slo-Mo Sloth and Emma & Milky. All I know is that I want an Octonauts lunchbox and I want it NOW.

You can pick out the Octonaut that floats your boat at octonauts.com/octonauts.html. Personally, I identify most with Professor Inkling, sort of a cephalopod version of Dr. Xavier:

Awesome Underwater Maritime-Themed New Years Party!

2006-11-03T12:56:00.000-05:00

On a submarine, with Peter Lorre scheduled to M.C.:

http://www.cassetteradio.com/newyears2007w.html

All LEVIATHAN members will get free tartar sauce from 9:00 - 11:00.

Stingray's rights under attack again!

2006-10-24T12:06:00.000-04:00

A reference to:

(Hat tip: Matt Weiner.)

Move over hot dogs--Jelly Fish to Rule Coney Island

2006-10-23T21:20:00.000-04:00

Check out this post from the Deep Sea News---a 60 foot jelly fish sculpture on Coney Island! I especially like how the writer claims that the jellyfish-theme will being Coney Island "into modernity." At last...everything is unfolding as we have forseen it.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Jellyfish to rule Coney Island?

The New York Aquarium just completed a competition for three designs that would bring the Coney Island facility into modernity. Fortunately for fans of deep invertebrates, one firm has plans for a 60 foot pink jellyfish sculpture at the entrance. These guys get my vote. A fluorescent six story jellyfish will look absolutely perfect next to the slinky ferris wheel and taudry sideshow acts.

In case you didn’t know, two-headed babies and bearded ladies still breathe fire in Coney Island, near Brooklyn, New York. It’s a great place to go if you’re looking to get away from Manhattan for an afternoon. The ride on the D Train is a cheap one, the beach is (was) pretty nice, and the atmosphere is surreal. A revamped aquarium will add the perfect touch to Coney Island’s sideshow renaissance.

Jellyfish rendering of the proposed West 8 subway stop from Weisz and Yoes Architecture.

More here.

???

2006-10-20T13:32:00.000-04:00

http://www.compagnosegreto.it/NUMERO3/scrivere.htm

Google's rough translation into English provides very little illumination. By far the greatest is #5, "Le Parole":

I'd be suspicious of that rooster too!

Steve Irwin was only the first...

2006-10-19T11:56:00.000-04:00

JUMPING STINGRAY STABS U.S. BOATER, claims the Beeb:

"US officials say they are shocked at the attack on Mr Bertakis.
"It was a freak accident," David Donzella, acting fire chief in Mr Bertakis' hometown of Lighthouse Point, was quoted as saying by the Associated Press news agency.
"It's very odd that the thing jumped out of the water and stung him. We still can't believe it," he said.

You'd better believe it; stingrays hate freedom!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6066862.stm

LEVIATHAN's St. George

2006-10-18T10:35:00.000-04:00

Had he lived, The Day of the Dolphin star and general Best Actor Ever George C. Scott would be 79 today.

All together now: Fa...LOVE...Pa!

Hobbes

2006-10-17T01:10:00.000-04:00

The one, the many ... a leviathan, of one sort or another.

Post-Colonial Jellyfish

2006-10-07T13:19:00.000-04:00

While cavorting in Sydney on the weekend I had occasion to consider the following question: do colonial jellyfish exist? Nestled in deep chairs, perched in a revolving restaurant 46 stories up, our conversation meandered to the point at which it became necessary to wonder: is a Portugese Man-of-War (named in Australia a "bluebubble", by someone who obviously wanted children to play with one) a unity, or a mere plurality?

The supposed man-of-war is comprised (I hesitate to say composed!) of four distinct sorts of "polyps" - and these are said to be individuals, distinct organisms in their own right. Our question then: is this Voltron of the sea one or many? For that matter, is Voltron one or many?

And so the revolving restaurant revolved, and the harbour came into view, and I think I imagined that I saw the sail (or, less magestically, the "bladder") of a Bluebubble encroaching on the that estuary's empty entrance. Man-of-war sails come in two types - "right handed" and "left handed" - so that only fifty percent of them will ever wash up on shore at once. For every bloated Man-of-War corpse that lies, dehydrating, on the shore, there is a proud opposite-sailed counterpart, carried to sea by the wind, in quest of nothing more than to not lie, dehydrating, on the shore. It is doubtful that the Man-of-War herself, given such a life, ruled by luck and limited ambition, has worries about her existence (which is just to say that l'en-meduses does not become l'pour-meduses). But should that fact encourage us one way or another, on this matter of the Man-of-War's being?

Tentacles of Whorror

2006-09-30T14:20:00.000-04:00

I can say confidently, even without having heard one second of it, that the Greatest Album in the History of Rock Music is, without a doubt, "Tentacles of Whorror" by...yep, you guessed it: LEVIATHAN. "Simply, the most mesmerizing, transcendental Black Metal ever put to tape," raves TERRORIZER Magazine. Needless to say, I will be purchasing said transcendental Black Metal recording as soon as humanly possible and will offer a full report to you, my fellow enthusiasts. I can't say whether I look forward with a greater quiver of anticipation to "the haunting and low-key second half of 'Vexed and Vomit Hexed' or the abyssic grandeur of "Requiem for a Turd World." These are exciting times.

SQUIDBILLIES!

2006-09-27T09:17:00.000-04:00

Hello, Leviathinians!

First, I must apologize for my long silence on the blog. I have been traveling hither and thither--alas, not on the high seas, but upon the roads and airways of the landlocked interior. With this post, however, I announce my enthusiastic return to the world of sea-talk, so watch the past postings for commentary as I catch up on what seems to be some very extremely pertinent conversations about all things maritime.

In the meantime, I would like to draw your attention to a new show on the Cartoon Network that caught my eye. Titled "SQUIDBILLIES," this show details the lives of a family of redneck squids living in squalor in the North Georgia Mountains. Offensive and, if the pictures of the squidbillies are any indication, pretty disgusting, I cannot help but be drawn to this show, much in the same way that sea worms are drawn to the nasty undersea vents that spurt superhot black bile in the deepest heart of the ocean.

For more info, see
http://www.adultswim.com/shows/squidbillies/

and

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squidbillies

aw - look at the li'l mermaid!

2006-09-26T15:01:00.000-04:00

OK, so obviously she's a cutie, but there's something more than a little fishy about the media coverage of Milagros Cerron ("the Little Mermaid"). Would we care as much if the name for "mermaid syndrome" didn't remind us all of "Splash"? And what do the merpeople think about all of this?

I really hope the bizarreness of this statement can be chalked up to translation issues: "We just need to finish up some touches on her lines. You know, you have to give some form to a mermaid and make her look as a normal person," said Dr Rubio, who has treated Milagros since she was two days old.

(http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/5381616.stm)

This story warms my heart.

2006-09-26T11:54:00.000-04:00

Because it involves so many of my favorite things: subways, mysteries, dinosaurs, wrongfully maligned predators finally receiving justice, and a graduate student using his powers for good instead of for absolutely nothing at all.

Subway Sleuth Clears Dinosaur of Cannibalism

A graduate student in paleontology was standing on the downtown subway platform at the American Museum of Natural History stop. He idly inspected the bronze cast on the wall of one of the museum’s dinosaurs.

The student, Sterling J. Nesbitt, was surprised to see what looked like crocodile bones that had presumably been the dinosaur’s last feast. This set in motion a re-examination of two specimens on display in the museum’s Hall of Dinosaurs, and wiped clean a dinosaur’s reputation that had been besmirched by suspicions of cannibalism.

Museum paleontologists found that the exhibited predatory dinosaur, Coelophysis bauri, had in fact not eaten one of its own.

“Our research shows that the evidence for cannibalism in Coelophysis is nonexistent,” Mr. Nesbitt said in an interview, “and the evidence for cannibalism in other dinosaurs is quite thin.”

Sterling J. Nesbitt, we salute you.

Those crooks in Washington are going after sharks' rights!

2006-09-19T18:39:00.000-04:00

New Bill Would Defend Marriage From Sharks

WASHINGTON, DC—Congressional Republicans cited the saw-edged teeth of the shark community as a direct threat to married couples everywhere.

Click headline for full story...

Yaaaar!

2006-09-19T10:45:00.000-04:00

It's that time of year again, ye scurvy dogs! In honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day, I will be reading all of the internets through Sydd Souza's Pirate Speak Translator, and I encourage you to do so as well. I also urge all but the saltiest of sea-dogs to watch this instructional video before attempting any Talking Like a Pirate. You will learn, among other things, how to speak out of the thromborax, and why the correct grammatical construction is not "That there be a buxom wench" but "That there wench be buxom."

[This is a cross-post with my own LiveJournal—not terribly pirate of me, but I'm a lazy blog-lubber this morning.]

shark that walks on fins discovered!

2006-09-18T11:33:00.000-04:00

Wow, like why isn't this shark on Star Search? It's even got a good stage name - The Epaulette Shark. Apparently the same scientists also found something called a "Flasher Wrasse." What a tag-team duo they would make!

For some reason, Blogger won't upload the image, but see for yourself at:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060918/ap_on_sc/underwater_discoveries

this means war!

2006-09-12T11:55:00.000-04:00

Apparently some Aussie knobheads are "avenging" Steve Irwin's death by killing stingrays & chopping their tails off. Um, that's dumb. The stingray war machine is no doubt gearing up for retaliatory strikes.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/5338118.stm

MOM for the home

2006-09-06T19:28:00.000-04:00

I was surfing the net today innocently looking for a comfortable reclining chair for my new apartment and what did I find? Buttkickers For The Home! No longer is a trip to Jordan's necessary to get your Poseidon on.
My favorite part is the detailed specs:
"Technically, The ButtKicker® is a “low frequency transducer” with a 3.25 lb piston that responds powerfully and quickly to audio signals. When powered by an amplifier, The ButtKicker® produces vibrations that are transferred directly to your chair. And with only one moving part and a thermal protection switch, The ButtKicker® is maintenance free and virtually indestructible."
Just so we're clear, that "one moving part" is a piston in the ass.

"No, we’re not pulling your leg. The ButtKicker® is simply the latest addition to home theater technology. It’s a nifty little ”gizmo”, and an affordable one at that. It’s mounted completely out of sight, in your favorite home theater seating. And when connected to your surround sound audio system, it’s absolutely sensational."
For the full product line and pricing: http://www.berkline.com/articles/buttKicker.html

LEVIATHAN Comedy

2006-09-04T15:11:00.000-04:00

I didn't want to sully the comments section of the grief-drenched pro-Irwin post below with my own sentiments on the matter, hence ...

Three cheers for the animals of the sea, and their glorious representative, the stringray who shivved Steve Irwin, enacting a revenge much wished for both above and below the waves.

I give you an appropriately detached report, which lists these events as "Veterinary News."

A "sad irony" indeed. According to Aristotle, a tragic drama requires a hero, of a moral standing slightly higher than our own, who goes from fortune to misfortune, by bad luck that springs from the essential nature of his character. If one empathizes with Irwin, our tale fits the model perfectly. (Those who claim Irwin was in the wrong place at the wrong time have missed the story entirely - he was in precisely the place that he always is.) But I have observed a specimen of the same species that lashed out, Zidane-like, at the unrelenting gaze of Irwin's cameras, and at a purportedly "civilized" and "rational" human society which has systematically excluded members of Dasyatidae for millenia, and my sympathies lie with whatever vulgar intellegence lies behind those dark, knowing eyes. Let those eyes strike terror in the heart of every human, all-too-inhuman land-dweller who has tread lightly across the sandy bottoms, or enjoyed a plate of all-too-perfectly-round "scallops."

Our recumbent barb-weilding friend is the hero of this tale; it is no tragedy. For her fate is unaltered in the course of this story. Let us classify it as an absurd comedy, then, and chalk up the score board: Marine life, 1; terrestrial life, 0.

LEVIATHAN Tragedy

2006-09-04T10:03:00.000-04:00

Croc Hunter Killed by Stingray: http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/arts/AP-Obit-Irwin.html?hp&ex=1157428800&en=293eb64b37bc8e79&ei=5094&partner=homepage

I proposoe we watch one of his sharkumentaries in hommage. I loved this guy.
(And thanks to a fellow non-ocean blogger for bringing this story to my attention. There's some intertextuality for you, LadyZ.)

as per your request...

2006-08-29T14:12:00.000-04:00

...linda ronstadt, saucy pirate wench.

The internets just got a whole lot awesomer.

2006-08-29T14:01:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Sydd Souza's Pirate Speak Translator, which translates not only individual phrases, but entire websites, including this one.

I'm going to go finish reading the New York Pirate Times now, which reports of tropical storm Ernesto that "th' center be expected t' cross o'er th' chain o' isles, arrr south o' mainland Florida by this evenin'" and that, further south, "Brazilian Lass Has 14-Pound Baby."

They'll swash your buckle, alright.

2006-08-29T13:24:00.000-04:00

Ever Google a word or phrase that lives in your head but that you're not sure is part of the generally accepted English idiom? Well, as I was commenting on C. Q. Cumber's post on the etymology of "skylark," I tested out the phrase "pirate wench" in my Google toolbar.

Ever Google "pirate wench"? You find some interesting sites.

P.S. Now we need to have an event. My costume shall reinvent the meaning of smelly pirate hooker.

Manatees not dumb, just weird

2006-08-29T09:45:00.000-04:00

Fascinating item in the NYTimes today about manatee brains. Apparently they're very small, and smooth, which usually suggests dumbness, but scientists have now decided they're just extremely well-adapted to a lifestyle that involves basically doing nothing. Let's hear it for the manatee!

The story also has this exciting but sad tidbit: "Another sirenian, Steller’s sea cow, lived in the Bering Sea and exceeded 5,000 pounds. It was hunted into extinction in the 1700’s." Damn you 18th century! Must you ruin everything??

The sea cow in action:

Nautical Volcabulary

2006-08-28T09:27:00.000-04:00

As LEVIATHANs, I think it is very important that we cultivate an expansive nautical vocabulary. Just as "'Pha," the English-speaking dolphin hero of The Day of the Dolphin, showed us the power of language to unite man and sea-creature, so too must we learn the language of the sea if we ever want to understand the inner-workings of the heart.

In light of this, I offer the following sea-themed volcabulary word (Webster's August 27 Word of the Day).

skylark \SKYE-lark\ verb

1 : to run up and down the rigging of a ship in sport
*2 : frolic, sport

Did you know?
As far as we know, people were skylarking at sea before they were larking on land. "Skylarking" was originally a term used by seamen for their scampering about on the rigging of ships. The first known use of the word in print is from 1809, though the term was part of the sailor's vernacular before that. "Lark," meaning "to engage in harmless fun or mischief," didn?t get jotted down until 1813. Whether or not the meanings of these words came about from the song and/or behavior of birds is uncertain. One theory of the verb "lark" is that it began as a misinterpretation of the verb "lake," which in British dialect means "to play or frolic."

Although I realize the temptation to use more land-locked words as you scamper about the riggings of your daily lives (in sport, of course), please endeavor to use the word "skylark" at least 5 times today so as to make it a part of your working vocabulary. After all, if we don't use the language of the sea, who will?

at a store near you

2006-08-24T17:58:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure I can recommend watching the 2006 remake of "The Poseidon Adventure" without the use of buttshakers (sp?), but it is now possible to own it for your very own.

Sorry the pic is shrimpy. A teensy hooray for Poseidon.

in the news...

2006-08-22T14:59:00.000-04:00

Let's hear it for the fuzzy dwarf lionfish!

(http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/22/science/22fish.html?_r=1&oref=slogin)

The LEVIATHAN backlog.

2006-08-20T11:00:00.000-04:00

Previous traces of LEVIATHAN activity on the internet have been collected under a single tag on my LiveJournal, for anyone looking to delve into the prehistory of this blog.

In other news, Poor Mojo's Giant Squid recently answered the question of how many sharks there are in the whole wide world:

Ten.

There are but ten sharks in the world. Thus have there ever been, thus shall there ever be.

Sharks, like unto that great land beast, the Mountain Ash, propagate in a manner asexual, by a system of budding, self-bifurcation and extrusion. Sharks are sexless and joyless beasts, like all creatures who reproduce without the aid of slow music, lubrication, thrusting and alcohol. When one of the members of the "decashark"--which, in all honesty, is best considered as a single entity unto itself, although the unity of its disparate selves is not visible to humans. simple and flawed eyes or to your poor sense of spatial/temporal dimensions--feels threatened, he does but bud through the extradimensional spaces a hive-cloud of a thousand. These hive-cloud echoes of each of the Ur-sharks is what populates the vast shoals of the deep.

Follow the link to learn more, including how "the shark is like the mighty electron."

Clasp your hands behind your head. I intend to search your offices.

2006-08-20T10:56:00.000-04:00

Traditionally, the scope of Leviathan's work has been restricted to film with a certain content, viz. nautical narratives. Recent research suggests, however, that this narrow view obscures a larger treasure trove of truths; an hypothesis: every movie featuring Peter Lorre falls into the genus of Leviathan pictures (broadly construed) because, as a matter of fact, Peter Lorre is an aquatic organism. (Whether this proposal actually broadens the definition from 'nautical narratives' to 'nautical narratives plus ...' , or whether it simply points out that Peter Lorre movies are nautical narratives, is irrelevant.)

The evidence? In Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (1961) , Lorre states (enacting Commodore Lucian Emery)
that he regards himself as a "personal friend" to all "sea creatures." He then proceeds to push a three foot styrofoam shark through the murky waters that he is standing in, clad in formal dress and a rubber apron, on account that the shark has been drugged and needs water to flow over its gills.

Our question, however, is whether love - when sincerely felt, and requited - suffices for sameness of kind. In this case, the bonds of friendship are greater than the divisions of species. Lorre becomes aquatic through a process similar to that which Danto described as "transfiguration," in which an ordinary real thing becomes an artwork, as if by magic. In our case, the unreal Emery's sea-creature-status is transferred to the real Lorre, by the same sort of seeming magic that has left all of us, at one point or another, reeling for an explanation of the transcendental sublimnity of art.

One objection that can be dispensed with post haste is the worry that Lorre, in persona as Conseil in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, makes an attack on a giant squid - how could one sea-creature (albeit one in creepy-bug-eyed-Austrio-Hungarian form) attack another? Is not the giant squid a "personal friend" as well?

But we must not forget that in friendship affection is not always constant - that our natural disposition to loathe the Other may inevitably surface, like some black mass from the depths - and its surfacing may even be justified. But have any of us friends (or family, or lovers) that we have not metaphorically hacked at the flailing tentacles of with an axe? Would we not leap into the sea, crying "Professor, Professor!," were the same friend to fall overboard? Such is love! Let us praise it, and speak plainly and honestly about it! And let us accept, then, that Lorre's love for the sea creatures is no less real than any of our terrestrial loves, and, therefore, that he, and his films, deserve our scrutiny - if not our love.

And now, a word from our sponsor...

2006-08-19T15:59:00.000-04:00

There Leviathan,
Hugest of all living creatures, on the deep
Stretched like a promontory, sleeps or swims,
And seems a moving land, and at his gills
Draws in, and at his trunk spouts out, a sea.
--Paradise Lost

Well played, John Milton, well played.