Tentacles of Whorror

I can say confidently, even without having heard one second of it, that the Greatest Album in the History of Rock Music is, without a doubt, "Tentacles of Whorror" by...yep, you guessed it: LEVIATHAN. "Simply, the most mesmerizing, transcendental Black Metal ever put to tape," raves TERRORIZER Magazine. Needless to say, I will be purchasing said transcendental Black Metal recording as soon as humanly possible and will offer a full report to you, my fellow enthusiasts. I can't say whether I look forward with a greater quiver of anticipation to "the haunting and low-key second half of 'Vexed and Vomit Hexed' or the abyssic grandeur of "Requiem for a Turd World." These are exciting times.

SQUIDBILLIES!

Hello, Leviathinians!

First, I must apologize for my long silence on the blog. I have been traveling hither and thither--alas, not on the high seas, but upon the roads and airways of the landlocked interior. With this post, however, I announce my enthusiastic return to the world of sea-talk, so watch the past postings for commentary as I catch up on what seems to be some very extremely pertinent conversations about all things maritime.

In the meantime, I would like to draw your attention to a new show on the Cartoon Network that caught my eye. Titled "SQUIDBILLIES," this show details the lives of a family of redneck squids living in squalor in the North Georgia Mountains. Offensive and, if the pictures of the squidbillies are any indication, pretty disgusting, I cannot help but be drawn to this show, much in the same way that sea worms are drawn to the nasty undersea vents that spurt superhot black bile in the deepest heart of the ocean.

For more info, see
http://www.adultswim.com/shows/squidbillies/

and

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squidbillies

aw - look at the li'l mermaid!

OK, so obviously she's a cutie, but there's something more than a little fishy about the media coverage of Milagros Cerron ("the Little Mermaid"). Would we care as much if the name for "mermaid syndrome" didn't remind us all of "Splash"? And what do the merpeople think about all of this?

I really hope the bizarreness of this statement can be chalked up to translation issues: "We just need to finish up some touches on her lines. You know, you have to give some form to a mermaid and make her look as a normal person," said Dr Rubio, who has treated Milagros since she was two days old.

(http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/5381616.stm)

This story warms my heart.

Because it involves so many of my favorite things: subways, mysteries, dinosaurs, wrongfully maligned predators finally receiving justice, and a graduate student using his powers for good instead of for absolutely nothing at all.

Subway Sleuth Clears Dinosaur of Cannibalism

A graduate student in paleontology was standing on the downtown subway platform at the American Museum of Natural History stop. He idly inspected the bronze cast on the wall of one of the museum’s dinosaurs.

The student, Sterling J. Nesbitt, was surprised to see what looked like crocodile bones that had presumably been the dinosaur’s last feast. This set in motion a re-examination of two specimens on display in the museum’s Hall of Dinosaurs, and wiped clean a dinosaur’s reputation that had been besmirched by suspicions of cannibalism.

Museum paleontologists found that the exhibited predatory dinosaur, Coelophysis bauri, had in fact not eaten one of its own.

“Our research shows that the evidence for cannibalism in Coelophysis is nonexistent,” Mr. Nesbitt said in an interview, “and the evidence for cannibalism in other dinosaurs is quite thin.”

Sterling J. Nesbitt, we salute you.

Those crooks in Washington are going after sharks' rights!

New Bill Would Defend Marriage From Sharks

WASHINGTON, DC—Congressional Republicans cited the saw-edged teeth of the shark community as a direct threat to married couples everywhere.

Click headline for full story...

Yaaaar!

It's that time of year again, ye scurvy dogs! In honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day, I will be reading all of the internets through Sydd Souza's Pirate Speak Translator, and I encourage you to do so as well. I also urge all but the saltiest of sea-dogs to watch this instructional video before attempting any Talking Like a Pirate. You will learn, among other things, how to speak out of the thromborax, and why the correct grammatical construction is not "That there be a buxom wench" but "That there wench be buxom."

[This is a cross-post with my own LiveJournal—not terribly pirate of me, but I'm a lazy blog-lubber this morning.]

shark that walks on fins discovered!

Wow, like why isn't this shark on Star Search? It's even got a good stage name - The Epaulette Shark. Apparently the same scientists also found something called a "Flasher Wrasse." What a tag-team duo they would make!

For some reason, Blogger won't upload the image, but see for yourself at:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060918/ap_on_sc/underwater_discoveries

this means war!

Apparently some Aussie knobheads are "avenging" Steve Irwin's death by killing stingrays & chopping their tails off. Um, that's dumb. The stingray war machine is no doubt gearing up for retaliatory strikes.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/5338118.stm

MOM for the home

I was surfing the net today innocently looking for a comfortable reclining chair for my new apartment and what did I find? Buttkickers For The Home! No longer is a trip to Jordan's necessary to get your Poseidon on.
My favorite part is the detailed specs:
"Technically, The ButtKicker® is a “low frequency transducer” with a 3.25 lb piston that responds powerfully and quickly to audio signals. When powered by an amplifier, The ButtKicker® produces vibrations that are transferred directly to your chair. And with only one moving part and a thermal protection switch, The ButtKicker® is maintenance free and virtually indestructible."
Just so we're clear, that "one moving part" is a piston in the ass.

"No, we’re not pulling your leg. The ButtKicker® is simply the latest addition to home theater technology. It’s a nifty little ”gizmo”, and an affordable one at that. It’s mounted completely out of sight, in your favorite home theater seating. And when connected to your surround sound audio system, it’s absolutely sensational."
For the full product line and pricing: http://www.berkline.com/articles/buttKicker.html

LEVIATHAN Comedy

I didn't want to sully the comments section of the grief-drenched pro-Irwin post below with my own sentiments on the matter, hence ...

Three cheers for the animals of the sea, and their glorious representative, the stringray who shivved Steve Irwin, enacting a revenge much wished for both above and below the waves.

I give you an appropriately detached report, which lists these events as "Veterinary News."

A "sad irony" indeed. According to Aristotle, a tragic drama requires a hero, of a moral standing slightly higher than our own, who goes from fortune to misfortune, by bad luck that springs from the essential nature of his character. If one empathizes with Irwin, our tale fits the model perfectly. (Those who claim Irwin was in the wrong place at the wrong time have missed the story entirely - he was in precisely the place that he always is.) But I have observed a specimen of the same species that lashed out, Zidane-like, at the unrelenting gaze of Irwin's cameras, and at a purportedly "civilized" and "rational" human society which has systematically excluded members of Dasyatidae for millenia, and my sympathies lie with whatever vulgar intellegence lies behind those dark, knowing eyes. Let those eyes strike terror in the heart of every human, all-too-inhuman land-dweller who has tread lightly across the sandy bottoms, or enjoyed a plate of all-too-perfectly-round "scallops."

Our recumbent barb-weilding friend is the hero of this tale; it is no tragedy. For her fate is unaltered in the course of this story. Let us classify it as an absurd comedy, then, and chalk up the score board: Marine life, 1; terrestrial life, 0.

LEVIATHAN Tragedy

Croc Hunter Killed by Stingray: http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/arts/AP-Obit-Irwin.html?hp&ex=1157428800&en=293eb64b37bc8e79&ei=5094&partner=homepage

I proposoe we watch one of his sharkumentaries in hommage. I loved this guy.
(And thanks to a fellow non-ocean blogger for bringing this story to my attention. There's some intertextuality for you, LadyZ.)